I am staying home sick today with a cold, which gives me a nice long time to write the thoughts I have had since a conversation with Andrew Goodman and Justin Benson last night. During our conversation, Andrew pointed out that I compare myself with others often.
He was right.
After thinking about it, I realized that when I compare myself with others, I look for ways in which they are failing, or in which I am doing better than they are. Realizing this deeply concerned me, because I want to be a positive, inspiring individual, who genuinely helps them as they strive to reach the goals of their lives. Secretly taking pleasure in the failures of others is not uplifting. It is antithetical to finding joy in their successes.
What is the underlying motivation that causes me to make these comparisons? I think the strongest reason is that it soothes the pain and guilt I feel when I am not living up to my own potential. Rather than actually addressing my own shortcomings and working to overcome them, I have fallen into the bad habit of rationalizing my actions as being good enough, because they are better than those of certain other individuals. This extends into many spheres of my life: spirituality, exercise, school, career preparation, work experience, and more.
I have made some resolutions that I hope will help me overcome this weakness as I go forward:
I promised Justin and Andrew that any time either of them catches me comparing myself to someone else, he can bring it my attention and I will give him a dollar. Hopefully that will help me gain a better sense of the magnitude of the problem, encouraging me to work more actively to suppress comments of comparison.
More importantly, I hope that this will help me become more conscious of the thought process that occurs when I compare myself to others. Being aware at any given moment that I am following a negative thought process will give me the opportunity to replace it with a positive thought process. As I replace negative, harmful thoughts with positive, uplifting thoughts of love and compassion, my words and actions will reflect my more enlightened inner state. I will become a happier, more considerate, more enjoyable person, who is more likely to follow the admonition of Paul to the Ephesians, as recorded in Ephesians 4:29:
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
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2 Comments
I’m reminded of something my mom told me once, “when we compare ourselves with others we either get a false sense of superiority or a false sense of inferiority.” This post was a good reminder to me to not measure myself by the stick of other people’s accomplishments/characteristics, but by where I stand with the Lord. Thanks for sharing.
Chris,
This is good analysis, with a practical application (the $1.00 fine). It also helps to have caring friends who are honest with you. This topic brings to mind the recent classic talk by Elder Uchtdorf on Pride (revisiting the classic talk by President Benson). In it he pointed out that one aspect of pride is to never be able to rejoice in someone else’s success as if it were diminishing your own. You are probably aware of that talk, but it is filled with profound insights.
Good thinking. Best wishes on the follow-through!
Elder Smith